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A reflection on a life, and some regrets

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Well it’s been quite a while since I’ve posted on here, but I have several things brewing that will show up soon I hope. Those thoughts were interrupted by horrible news, the sudden and unexpected death of my friend, the Reverend Craig Gates.

A week ago Sunday was the closing Eucharist for the Diocese of Mississippi’s Annual Council. Ever since leaving for sunny Florida, my plans were to attend Council (as I am still canonically resident in MS). My body had other plans – a very fast moving infection in my leg, along with a very high fever, had me in the hospital all week, driving to Natchez from South Florida was not an option (and I didn’t get out until Saturday). On that Sunday a week ago, all the Clergy of the Diocese processed in together as is our custom. Amongst them was Craig Gates, now retired and living at Sewanee, but ever present at such events.

Craig was one of a kind. Loud and opinionated, a force to be reckoned with. Most of all though, a force of love, pure and unconditional, love of Jesus and love of every one he met, all of whom he called “child of God”. He tolerated nothing but love for one another, he preached it and he practiced it.

I first met Craig when I was Curate at St. James in Greenville, MS, in the heart of the Delta. He was Rector of Nativity in Greenwood, and we met a time or two before my ordination to the priesthood. On that day, I knelt before the Bishop, with my fellow priests gathered round, all laying hands on me, as they sang the Taize version of “Veni, Sancte, Spiritus”, with Craig’s booming voice leading the way, and then I stood up a Priest. I was vested in a beautiful red chasuble, was asked by the Bishop to proclaim the Peace to the congregation, and then greeted my family. After this I was sharing the Peace with my now fellow presbyters when Craig grabbed me, said “welcome to the club you beloved child of God”, and kissed me dead full on the mouth! That was Craig Gates in a nutshell. Singing loud, kissing, welcoming, loving.

Craig was a real mentor for many of us in our diocese. Never afraid to speak his mind, he always came from the aspect of inclusive love for all. I loved sitting near him at Clergy Conference and Annual Council, it was always entertaining. Last year I was sitting close as our Bishop gave his address. Being President of the Standing Committee, I knew Bishop Gray was going to announce his call for coadjutor. I also knew Craig would respond loudly. And he did, as soon as the Bishop issued that call, Craig hollered “Nooooooooo!”. He loved and supported our Bishop so well.

I began attending Clergy Conference in 2002. So many of the “old guard” are no longer there. We have quite a few wonderful young or new-to-us Priests, they are all delightful and so gifted. But I had the advantage for years of sitting in the bad-guys-and-girls corner at Clergy Conference where I was entertained by Craig and Chip Davis and Shannon Johnston and Tom Slawson and Andy Andrews and Joe Robinson and Stan Runnels and the wonderful Ruth Black. And of course there was Bo Roberts, 40+ clergy conferences under his belt.Cottage 3 rocked in those days and I am afraid that tradition has moved on as well. These Priests helped mold and shape me, mentored me, made me laugh and challenged me in so many ways.  That was a room full of experience and wisdom, snarkiness and delight, eye rolling and the occasional “nooooo”. And Craig was always leading the charge.

And now Craig is gone. It will never be the same.

Which brings me to the regrets. For how many centuries have people said the same – I wish I had said how I felt about this person to them when they were still alive. Facebook is full of great tributes to Father Craig, he was loved by so many and made such a mark on us all. I hope he knew that. I hope he knew how beloved he was, how helpful he was, how he taught us just by being the “child of God” that he was? I am so, so sorry I never said it directly to him. So sorry.

I hope to change. To be more like Craig, to see EVERYONE as a child of God, beloved. I wish I could sing like him. I hope to be a Priest like him. And I hope I can, from time to time, let those who have meant so much to me know it, on this side of the kingdom as well as the other.

When I first heard the news about Craig, I thought, “I will never attend the Dead Priest Society gathering again. It will be too painful, his absence too real”. Then I thought some more. Instead, I would love to be there next year and at the end of Clergy Conference, when we pass the candle around and name the priests who meant so much to us that are no longer with us, the first time around the circle I hope we all will say, “Craig Gates”. I know that would make him laugh that laugh.

Rest in Peace, you beloved Child of God. You are already missed. I thank God for you, for your life, and for your witness. My prayers are with Dorothy and  family. May you go from strength to strength, my friend.

 

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It’s just numbers….

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It’s all about the numbers. It’s been 15 days since I’ve seen my wife. Or I should say, been with her in the same space. Now days with Facetime and Facebook and the like, I can see her. I can hear her.
Folks, it ain’t the same.
In 10 days (another number) we will have been married 30 years (yet another).
10 days. 30 years. 30 years! How did THAT happen? I think I am 30, but I am 55. In 30 years of what is undoubtedly the best marriage in the history of the world (count those numbers in eons), we’ve never been apart this many days in a row.
Not one (a number) time.
General Convention is the closest but that’s less than 15 days and at the 1st two I served as deputy Jennifer joined me for some of it. Not last summer but that was still less than 15 days. And it will be another 8 before we are together.
This is not good.
I am 55. I have been married 30 years. And I really, really, really miss my wife.
Soon I will travel back to Jackson and we will finish packing and move our stuff to our new place, a condo we are renting in beautiful Delray Beach. St. Paul’s is great, this area is so nice and we are close to Jen’s sister and fairly close to her step mom. There is much work to do and adventures to have and all that is amazing and exciting and definitely blessing…..but
It’s been 15 days. 30 years. And 8 or more to go.
And I don’t like it. Not one bit.
Lord have mercy
Christ have mercy
Lord have mercy
Jen – soon and very soon. Until then, every minute I think of you and pray for you and miss you so much.

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Taking my talents to south Beach….or near there…(and yes this is tongue-in-cheek)

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One week. In one week I hit the road for beautiful Delray Beach, Florida where I begin my time as Interim Rector of St. Paul’s Episcopal Church.

The last few weeks have been wild. We accepted the call and then had to let some other folks know we would not continue to discern with them. That was really hard. Jen and I spent a week at the beach with Brayden, what a great time. It is very hard to know we won’t see him as often but he will always be part of our lives and we will see him as much as we can.

I will remain canonically resident in the Diocese of Mississippi, which makes me happy. My first week in Delray coincides with Clergy Conference in the Diocese of SE Florida, and it’s in Delray, so I look forward to meeting new clergy friends right off the bat. As President of the Standing Committee, I’ve been wrapping things up in that arena and especially dealing with the Bishop Search progress while preparing to hand all that off to the S.C. soon. On August 15th the clergy of the Diocese met to discuss our hopes and dreams for our next Bishop, and I was very glad to attend and say some goodbyes. I love this Diocese and feel so supported and loved by my fellow clergy. It’s a special place for sure. Missing THAT Clergy Conference is not something I want to talk about!

Last week Jen and I traveled to Delray and looked at lots of potential places to rent, but have not decided yet. It’s difficult. We thankfully have been offered a place to stay until mid-October, so we have a little time to make a decision. Pray for us!

We returned Wednesday night and then on Thursday went to our daughter, Mackenzie’s house that she and husband Wynne had bought a few months ago. Kenzie had asked me to bless the house before we left, so I dutifully printed off some house blessing handouts, and with stole in hand, we walked in her door only to find a surprise going away party with many of our long-time Jackson friends from the old neighborhood we lived in before leaving for seminary in 1999. It was a great surprise and really wonderful.

I spent yesterday at what will most likely be my final in-person Standing Committee meeting and tomorrow we go to Hattiesburg where my family (3 of my brothers and their families and my parents) will gather for another goodbye. This is HARD and exciting.

So the plan is for me to drive down on Friday so I can be at services over the weekend (the church has one on Saturday and four on Sunday). Jennifer will join me once we have a place to live and are ready to move our stuff, I will come back for the move of course.

Delray is lovely and the church is awesome. It’s a long way but we hope and expect lots of visitors! Your prayers are always welcome. And many of my St. James’ friends asked me to keep this blog up to date so expect more frequent posts over the next year or so. Speaking of St. James’ – I really miss all of you guys!

And Mississippi folks – I will be at Annual Council and have another gig (that I cannot announce yet) in January that is a real honor to participate in. More when I can say more!

Come on down to sunny South Florida! We would love to see you. Until then – Peace and God Bless.

David+

 

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So…..now what?

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Well it is finished. My time at St. James’ concluded Sunday, June 30. Although only being here 13 months, leaving was very hard. I love this place and these folks. They threw a wonderful party for us Thursday night and sweet reception on Sunday. With all that, including 4 services, that’s a lot of good bye hugs! The love displayed for us was amazing and I won’t forget it. It’s been a wonderful time.
I am in the “discernment” business. I often help people discern God’s call, what’s next for them, where are they being led. I am involved in various discernment groups and really enjoy that quite difficult and challenging and oh-so-rewarding work. The problem is, I am really bad at it for myself and my own family. So here we are. It is very hard to believe I have been here now 13 months. It has been a truly amazing and rewarding experience. I love this place and the people, I have been blessed to work with an incredible staff of lay and clergy superstars, and I get to hang out with some fascinating and inspiring folks. As Interim, I’ve tried my best to be the best I can be in that capacity and I know I have stumbled in that role at times. But I’ve had a blast and what an honor to have my oldest daughter’s wedding right here in this special place. It’s been that kind of year. The last 13 months my son graduated high school and started college, both daughters got married, we moved from the coast and moved THREE times in Jackson, ending up in our very cool downtown apartment. Jennifer started two new jobs and has found such joy working with children at Blair Batson. We knew it was a perfect “season” in our lives to be in Jackson and that has proven to be true. But that part of our journey has now ended.
It’s so much easier to give people, other people, sage advice isn’t it? Just Let Go and Let God! Trust in The Lord. Do not be anxious. God will open a door. All true, all worthy, all very very hard. At least for me, I confess.
It’s different this time around, as we don’t have to worry about such things as school districts. But other family considerations creep that were not present in the past. We have options. We have preferences. But we have VERY little control over how it all shakes out. As it should be, I suppose.

Discerning with parishes who are in search processes is about finding the right fit. These are not competitions with winners and losers. It’s a parish doing its best to discover and affirm, it’s a clergy person doing EXACTLY the same. The common phrase is “finding the right fit”, but how? A very wise clergy friend of mine once said “it takes about a year after a call is issued to find out who lied the most, the search committee or the Priest”. Blunt and true – we all put our best foot forward, right? Yet that allusive “fit” beckons both church and Priest so we search and pray and talk and pray and visit and pray and ask and answer and pray.
My prayer time this time around abounds with silence. I am trying my best to listen. Will you listen with me? Will you pray and dream, vision and wonder with the Knights? For some reason I feel the answer to all this may be surprising, but I can honestly say at this point I have absolutely no idea where we will end up. Earlier today someone said that would drive them crazy, to which all I could reply was “yep”.
So I go back and try, let go, let God, trust, listen. It’s all against my nature and it’s all vitally important.
Just writing this helps with the anxiety. Come Holy Spirit!
SO….here we go again. Pray with us?

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It’s Camp…one last time

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Well another fabulous week at Camp Bratton-Green is wrapping up. It’s been very special with my daughter, Chelsea, as my co-director. We’ve had a blast! Of course my LW is my camp nurse, our special buddy Brayden is a staff brat. Really, really missed having son Joseph on staff (he is in summer school) and daughter Mackenzie (just started a new job). Camp for us is usually a family affair and they were definitely missed.
With my next job outside of the Diocese of MS (no, I don’t have one yet, just know it will be out of state), this is my last year as a camp director. It’s truly one of my most favorite things I get the honor of doing every year. Hopefully I can still come back to CBG in some capacity over the years. It’s such a special place.
What makes it special, for me, is the staff. I have 22 volunteer counselors, from 10th grade to college age. 8 adult cabin parents. And a very talented permanent staff. Every year they amaze me and challenge me and teach me and inspire me.
Camp is instant community with all that entails. 110 kids plus staff come together, many not knowing each other. Cabins figure it out, some better than others. We have the usual assortment of kids trying to figure out their place, those who are ultra comfortable here, those who miss home (at first) and then don’t want to leave. It’s a microcosm of life and it’s beautiful and fun and a struggle and a joy.
It’s camp. We get messy (I got thrown in the mud pit yesterday where the kids piled on and then dunked with ice and water twice at lunch, for starters), we play some great games, the permies run fantastic activity periods in the lake, the pool, arts and crafts, rope course, music and nature. It’s God and creation, it’s hot and tiring, it’s ghost stories and singing, it’s prayer and it’s camp.
It’s camp. And I will miss it.

Itinerant: noun. a person who alternates between working and wandering.