I am really, really tired of being tired.

I think fatigue is another storm symptom. It seems like with each passing day, we are getting nowhere. I know it’s not true, but it just FEELS like that, most of the time.

I know that’s the wisdom of the small victories I talked about earlier. The big picture is just too overwhelming. But when you see all this stuff on the six month anniversary, and you know hurricane season is under 100 days away, and the beach area still looks like Hiroshoma, it gets to you. Click on St. Casserole’s blog (a great one to read, by the way) for some recent pics. RECENT is the key word, six months out.

I have been at my church now for two years. Two years ago, I started here right after Lent had begun. Last year I was in Honduras with our medical mission team for Ash Wed. This year, we did the service with the good folks at the Methodist church. They have been so very gracious to us, allowing us to use their facilities for important events. Yet I sensed in my folks such a yearning to have “our” service in “our” space, whatever that may be. We gotta get out of the gym. I just don’t know how to make it happen quickly.

Next week I travel to NYC. The LW is getting oriented on her new job, and I will speak at St. James on Madison Ave. I spent 2 weeks there in seminary, it’s a great church. They want to help. I hope I can tell our story in ways that allows folks to really hear and see and want to help.

But first – I think I want a nap.

I know, I know. I wait too long in between posts to think anyone is ever going to continue to stop by and read what I have to say. But, I am not giving up (yet) on the blog, so here goes some updating.

It’s been such a busy 5 or 6 weeks. From the parish cleanup day on our church site at the beach, to our Annual Meeting where we listened to our people tell of their pain and sorrow and hope over the rebuilding of our church, in particular to returning to the beach site or not, to our Diocesan Annual Council, which was excellent by the way, to a vestry retreat, to now – it’s been non-stop. In between we’ve waded in the waters again – as we finally had water connected to the office trailer only to have a pipe burst and flood the main office. It remains disconnected, finding folks to work on such minimal problems is impossible.
The events described above have been both affirming and difficult. Under the surface I have been subjected to, let’s say, some painful times. I am unsure as to why, and totally confused as to what about, and can only pray in my despair.
However, the vestry retreat was superb – the best one I have ever been a part of. Our leader did a wonderful job and we all came out of it refocused on the tasks ahead. He helped us see the value of claiming “small victories” along the way, recognizing that the overall tasks ahead of us are so huge that it’s hard to chip away at them.
We have already claimed some SVs and more coming soon. I also sense a rededicated group willing to establish good norms in how we work together.
Out of pain comes hope…..

I can’t really say much yet regarding the Annual Meeting. We allowed folks time to speak about their desires, about the pain of losing their church, about the holy ground that we may or may not return to. It was important and moving and good.
But a couple of things happened in that time that I need to reflect on internally. They were quite painful to me, personally. I cannot go into details in this forum. It was a sleepless night….

Are we making progress? How do we progress? Two good and different questions…
Lately the signs have been mixed. Some folk do seem to be getting there. Little signs of hope, of change. Some of the debris piles are beginning to disappear (although not along the beach). New construction is still a long way off as local officials struggle with elevation requirements and building codes. One of my folks was told that it may be as long as 24 months before sewer service is available to his slab….how can you think about rebuilding without water and sewer? So two steps forward and 1 or 2 or 5 back….
Two Saturdays ago the people of St. Patrick’s gathered corporately on our beach property for the 1st time since the storm (we don’t say Katrina any more – it’s just “THE STORM”). We worked hard cleaning the lot, then had a box lunch. We then made our way to our outdoor chapel, most of it was ok, in the park behind our church that we had donated to the city 4 years ago. We had Eucharist and my deacon and I laid hands and annointed the people with healing prayer and oil. Our seminarian, former youth minister, played and sang for us (he is quite the musician / singer). It was a very cathartic time, lots of tears were shed.
This coming Saturday we will have our Annual Meeting. We will elect 4 to vestry, then we will move into a “town hall” type meeting. During that time parishioners are invited to share their thinking, their hopes and dreams, their comments, on where to rebuild our church – return to the beach or not. We are also receiving written comments.
In letters sent out by me this week, I have stressed to everyone that the container for our deliberations must be the mission of our church – why are we here, who are we called to be. That must determine where we go, along with the practical and emotional pieces.
I appreciate your prayers as we go through this important and difficult process.

Jan. 4 – 7 the National Episcopal church hosted a conference in Orlando called Weathering the Storms (WTS). Sponsored by the Church Pension Fund and put on by CREDO, they gathered clergy from the impact areas of Katrina, Rita and other storms. Families were TOTALLY included, as well as diocesan support staffs (and 3 bishops).
This is perhaps the best event / conference I have ever attended. The 5 Knight’s went down a day early (being the BAD BAD parents we are, having NEVER taken our children to Evil Land…er….I mean Disney) to have some fun. And BOY did we.
The first day we made it to the hotel and our room was ready EARLY! We were staying at the Marriot World Center, and amazing place. We headed to the pool (they have 7) and ended up at a pool and hot tub that was unoccupied by any non-Knights! For several hours we played, laughed, swam, soaked, played water volleyball together, just me, the LW, the 20 yr old LD, the 18 yr old LD and the 12 yr old LS. I cannot remember a time when the 5 of us have laughed and relaxed so well together. It was SUCH A BLESSING!! And our older children did not have to worry about being embarrassed hanging with the parents, cuz no one else was around. SWEET!
The next day we went to Disney MGM. It was OK. Long lines, expensive, only couple of rides worth doing – I truly do not get the whole Disney thing!
The conference started that evening. We were reunited with some dear friends from seminary who are now in Baton Rouge doing great work, and our former seminary Dean and his LW, he is now Director of Mission for the Ep. Church and did a great presentation. They are also good friends of ours and we really loved being with them again.
One of the best gifts of the conference was the freedom to do whatever we wanted – attend sessions, or blow them off! I did some of both. Played a round of golf. Got a goooooood massage. LW got a facial. They had planned activities for all the different age groups of kids (there were almsot 60 there under 18). The sessions I attended were SUPERB. The off time was awesome. The food tremendous.
We learned a lot about rest, about respite, about compassion fatigue, about taking care of ourselves. We networked and shared stories and made connections. We laughed and drank and laughed, gathering in the hot tub for “adult swim” time each evening. So fun.
I snuck out on Friday and took my 12 yr old LS to Epcot (man, I will NEVER go there again, but he liked it ok). Then on Sat after lunch, when the conference had ended, 16 of us went to Universal Studios and had a BLAST. It was quite cold, so the crowds were not too bad. I much prefer it to Disney. We would have done the Islands of Adventure but most of it is water rides and it was far to cold for that.
It was a great, great trip. I will have more to say about “re-entry” soon, but for now, thank you Lord for WTS!