My travels have continued the last couple of weeks. Much of it was spent in Birmingham at the hospital bedside of my mom’s only sibling, who was dying from breast cancer.
My aunt died this past Tuesday morning at 4:30 am. The LW and I, along with her best friend of over 50 years (my aunt was only 60) and her Priest, who was also a dear friend of hers, were all with her.
Bham is abut 5 1/2 hours from here and this was our second trip to be with her in less than a week. Let me tell you, folks, if you don’t all have your act together on Living wills, advance directives, power of attorney for health care, and your actual will, SHAME ON YOU. Although, as this story taught me, even having all that stuff does not make this easy.
My aunt had specific instructions not to be on life support, etc. As it became more evident this was the end for her, we (her family) found ourselves at odds with the team of doctors trying to “save” her. They eventually put her on a ventilator, for comfort, which we understood, but we also feared it would be most difficult to remove it. It WAS.
Sunday morning one doc called to say her lab results from a biopsy were back (finally) and the cancer had indeed spread throughout her body. We had suspected as much, as she was so very ill. Surgery was not an option and he said it was time to extubate and make her comfortable. He said he would wait until we got there.
We drove up after church, but when we arrived he and her oncologist had changed their mind! The oncologist especially was being completely unreasonable. I complained as high up the chain as you can on a Sunday night in a hospital, to no avail. We checked into a hotel.
Monday morning we began to meet with the various docs. The oncologist told us that my aunt had clearly told him to “do all you can” and that overrode any living will stuff. He held out hope the cancer was not breast cancer, but rather colon cancer and could be cut out. He obviously had not read the lab report. This was so frustrating. We waited all day until her surgeon, also her friend, showed up and after one look at her and the reports (her heart was really struggling too), stated he would not operate now or ever on her – it was time to help her die as peacefully as possible. All this time my aunt was heavily sedated. In my view, she was already gone, with a machine breathing for her.
The surgeon’s report convinced her primary doc, ALSO her friend (she had this affect on everyone), to agree to extubate. He wanted to call the oncologist as a courtesy. Then we were told (by a nurse, this was all by phone with her doctor) since he could not reach the oncologist we would have to wait another day! Well, that was it for me. I got very angry and emotional that my poor aunt was being put through the VERY THING she had said all her life she did not want. I walked out of her room in tears, only to see the primary doc come running over. He was worried that my wife and I were having to drive home, and he did not think that fair to us. He decided to go ahead and remove the vent, and to tell the oncologist whenever he talked to him. Thank you Lord.
My aunt was extubated at 530 pm. She died at 430 am. We were with her the entire time. She died peacefully without a struggle. It was an honor and privilege to be with her. I truly believe part of the fight with these doctors was because they all really loved and cared for her – if you met her, you had no choice! Her life was too short, but the impact was broad and deep, a more caring and compassionate person I have never known.
I will be doing her funeral next Tuesday in her home town. It will be difficult, to say the least, but another privilege for me.
My LW, who has worked in hospice, was amazing during all this. Her care for my aunt and her dealings with the staff were such a gift. The fantastic nurses on the CCU who cared for her were also heros, and supported us the whole time. My aunt’s priest is a super guy and he grieves deeply for her. God was with us all.

I used to love to travel, especially by air. Now days I don’t think anyone likes it. And with gas prices what they are, it becomes more difficult to justify driving vs. flying. When it takes all day to fly somewhere (because we only have direct flights to Atlanta, Memphis, or Houston), plus all the hassel, I had gotten where I would drive every chance I could. But economics now make that decision harder.
I went to Alabama two weeks ago, drove to Kanuga, NC last week for a Province IV meeting, and looks like I will drive about 12 hours this Fri and Sat for a fund raising opportunity for my Parish rebuilding efforts. Lots of time in the car, but sometimes that’s ok.
Two weeks ago the LW and I drove to Orange Beach, AL for a FREE respite vacation sponsored by the Foundation for the Mid South and other ministry organizations. We joined 15 other clergy and spouses from the Katrina-affected area. It was good to meet and hear stories from these folks, although I must say our theology regarding the storm was very different in most cases. I was the only Episcopal clergy person, all the rest were Baptist, Methodist, or Church of Christ or non-denom. Yet their passion for the work was inspiring and it was good to be with others who are in the midst of this tragedy. I spent most of my time doing what I needed most – resting. Slept late, laid on the beach, played in the surf with my son, read, slept some more. It was a nice, post-Holy Week retreat.
One night while there I had a dream. I was back at seminary with a lot of classmates (see post below on our classmate, Larry, who died Palm Sunday). I am sure Larry’s memorial service was on my brain. I was conducting some sort of seminar, and the audience included teachers, students, and family members and folks who live here. When I had finished my presentation, a disturbing thing happened – I walked over to a classmate and began to sob on his shoulder – begging him not to make me “go back there”. I wailed and cried and was so disturbed, I made myself wake up (I do that a lot when dreaming).
I wonder what it could mean……………

I know it’s a little late, but I’ve been intentionally away from the computer, recovering from what was for me a very powerful and draining Holy Week.
We made the decision to “do” all of HW in the gym where we have our Sunday services – and which also serves as living quarters for the volunteers who come to help our community. We convert their dining area into church every Sunday. We could have used some other local churches, as we did at Christmas and for our Bishop’s visit, but there was no where we could go consistently all week, and I thought it too confusing to mix things up. So, with the great help of the Camp Coast Care folks, and with lots of hard work, we declared the gym as holy and sacred in time and space for HW. I think it worked wonderfully well.
We had Eucharist Mon and Tue, then on Wed we did Holy Eucharist with Healing. Formerlly this service was a huge part of who we were at St Patricks, very well attended on Wed evenings, gospel music, healing, Eucharist, then a shared meal. We have missed it terribly (me, especially, for I could truly relax and worship during that service). So we brought it back. Unfortunately, all the HW services were lightly attended by our folks, it was spring break for all the public schools so many were traveling, but also folks here are just plain worn out – and perhaps not really ready to walk to the cross this year. The service, though, was great and we will figure out ways to continue it.
Maundy Thursday was powerful and draining and spiritual. Most of the volunteers joined us (as they would the rest of HW) and washing their feet had special significance to me. We managed to dim lights and strip the altar and hold a watch at the altar of repose in the school building next door.
Two Good Friday services (I used the GF liturgy at noon and at 6) were very powerful to me, although again very lightly attended. I think I do my best preaching on Good Friday. But again, that service was probably too much for our folks to handle right now.
The Easter Vigil was glorious. We rearranged the chairs on the gym floor to focus on the center, where we placed the font. We lit the new fire and processed in with candles. We did 4 lessons, all presented by story tellers, instead of just reading them – they acted them out and put them in their own words. This was a major hit! I preached without a text, not knowing what I would say until I got up. Then we baptized 4 – one infant and 3 others from 15 to 7 years old. That was fantastic! Then it was time for the Alleluia’s, we had stage spot lights that once the 3rd Alleluia rang out, came on and illuminated the altar, which was beautifully decorated. We even have a new “reredos”, a cloth to match the seasonal color hanging on piping behind the altar. Folks – it looked like CHURCH in there! Bells rang and the lights came on and we welcomed the Easter season.
Easter Sunday was great, lots of faces I haven’t seen in a while, wonderful music, an Easter egg hunt afterwards.
Then it was time to collapse! This was HARD to pull off. I have a brand new secretary, so creating bulletins for all these services was a chore. Working with the camp folks and trying to get my own setup folks a vision for each service was challenging. I moved lots of chairs, etc. Yet it proved to be a HW to remember……
If you care to hear the sermons, they are all posted here – just click the Sermons link.

Soon I will post on a most interesting travel week – and remind me to tell you about a couple of dreams. My friend Larry, see post below, was prominent in both of them.

I suppose it was just as it should have been. Palm Sunday. Hosanna…..Crucify…..a phone call that my good friend and seminary classmate, The Rev. Larry Motz, had died after a valiant struggle with cancer.
We waved palms outside the gym. Paraded around to All Glory Laud and Honor, led by our talented organist playing her flute. The gym was pretty full, and a couple of new families joined us. Yet, Larry was on my mind.
I could fill this blog up with stories about my friend. We visited Seabury on the same day, and ended up living one floor apart on our end of the apartment complex on campus. He was class president, I was vice president (after a hotly contested runoff!). We were as different as you can be. Larry, the GQ model, single, impeccably attired at all times. Me with the wife and 3 kids, almost always in a t-shirt and shorts, rarely shaven, loving escaping from the banker attire I had worn for 20 years.
Larry taught me much…..way more than I can express here. I loved him. I learned from him. I worshipped with him. He started a Caritas group on campus to do pastoral care, and my family was their 1st customer (my son was quite ill our 1st year of seminary).
Larry was very funny, saving his expressions and comments for the right time (“you may be seated” – inside joke).
Lord, there is so much more to say.

Yesterday while presiding at Holy Eucharist, I had one of those moments. This will sound weird. It happened to me the very 1st time I celebrated Eucharist after my priest ordination, and on occasions since. While celebrating, sometimes, I am able to observe….well…..myself. It’s like I am watching this amazing and risky act while I am doing it. The “awesome-ness” of being the celebrant, at times, speaks to me. Yesterday it happened again, but in a different way. As I was saying the words, I could see Larry. He was in a purple chasuble and stole, a very pretty set, it was one he bought while we were in seminary. I could hear his voice, see him doing the manual acts, holding the elements, breaking the bread. For a brief moment, I thought I would break down, but instead I was strengthened by his presense, I knew he was giving me “that look”, and that I needed to carry on. In a sense, we con-celebrated, although no one else knew it. It was a blessing and powerful and…yes…weird. But there was such a sweetness and goodness about it, above all else it was just RIGHT.

I told those classmates of mine that I have spoken to since getting the news, that it is just like Larry to influence us once again – to give us a living example of Holy Week in its fullest, to help us one more time, this week. For Larry has made it through his Good Friday. He had told his Bishop that he feared he would not make it to Easter, when in fact that is exactly what he has done – made it to Easter. So for us that knew him, he has made our Holy Week and Easter a time deeper and richer and sadder and ….. RIGHT.

My brother, may you go from strength to strength in the life of perfect service in God’s heavenly kingdom. I will miss you. I will see you again. God bless.

HOLY WEEK that is…..no better time to be a Priest! I live for this stuff.
I became an Episcopalian a few years after I was confirmed, the 1st time I did the “full meal deal” for Holy Week. WOW….I had been missing SO much as a Baptist! Then seminary taught me the wonder and glory of the Easter Vigil and I have been hooked ever since.
We have an ongoing debate down here, and at my Frest Start group, about the Vigil. Most are not in to it too much. Waste of time….no one comes….what’s the use? Me, I gotta have it! I have been doing a TON of teaching since I arrived here about the Vigil, and folks are really supporting it.
This year, Holy Week of course takes on a whole new flavor. Doing all the services in a school gym that is the “home” to 125 volunteers makes it…um…interesting. Lots of time management, moving of chairs and tables, decorating, thinking WAY outside the box – it’s a LOT and it’s a blast!
My poor new secretary is feeling a little overwhelmed as I keep producing bulletins for all these services. But…I have Palm Sunday, Maundy Thursday, and Good Friday done AND I have done sermons already for the first two. I suspect I will finish the other three tomorrow – it all has to flow together in my book, so might as well write them together.
We will gather outside the gym and parade around with palms on Sunday….Eucharist on Mon, Tue, and Wed (with healing on Wed). MT, two GF, THE VIGIL, and Easter Sunday followed by a fun egg hunt (eggs provided by the Resurrection Rabbit).
The Vigil will include story telling and 5 baptisms by candelight around a font set in the middle of the gym floor, with chairs encircling the font. I still got to figure out how to “instantly” light the place, the gym lights take forever to warm up.
When our Bishop visited last week, he commented how Bishops from all over the country have told him consistently how our Sunday morning worship in the gym had really been a blessing to the volunteers from their respective dioceses. It was wonderful to hear and really great for our people to hear!
So….come on down…there’s work to do and HOLY WEEK TOO!