This Sunday Bishop Frade will be at St. Paul’s for Confirmations. I was so relieved to know this as I read the Scripture lessons for Sunday because he will have to struggle with the parable of the talents and the Master’s tough words for the one slave who simply buried his talent so that the harsh, cruel master wouldn’t be upset if he lost it (Matthew 25:14-30).

So there I was, giving thanks for dodging that bullet, when I was reminded I DO have to preach at our Saturday night service, DUH.

Sigh.

 

I have, naturally, been thinking a lot lately about discernment and calling. Which makes sense in light of my current situation with this interim time winding down and the need to find what’s next, but also in the excitement and pride in my wife’s less-than-a-month-from-now graduation with her Pediatric Nurse Practioner masters degree.

All this has reminded me of the parable of the talents and of when I was the fearful one.

The fearful one. For so long I would not even entertain for a minute the idea of ordained ministry. It was too risky to consider. I was nowhere near good enough or smart enough and certainly not talented (pun intended) enough at important aspects of the ministry like, gasp, public speaking. After all I had a family to raise and support, three young children, I was moving up in my excellent job, no need to rock that boat. I had a litany of really good reasons to stay the course, to bury my “talent” so I wouldn’t lose it.

Then I was reminded of a real life example of listening to God and following the call God places on your heart, the calling St. Paul in Romans says is “irrevocable”.

In 1990 my beloved met me at the door when I came home from work with this simple, world changing statement: “I have decided to go to nursing school”. In other words she was saying, “I am investing my talent, not hiding it.”

Now if there was ever someone called (and gifted) by God to be a nurse, it’s my wife, Jennifer. She is a natural. And she also owned the fact she was terrified of one thing – school. Academics. She had accepted the lie that she couldn’t do well in school. Yet even with that very real, if irrational, fear, and with our two children (Joseph wasn’t around yet) only 5 and 3 years old, she took the risk, she stepped out on the high wire and didn’t look down, she answered the call she had felt for a long time.

And now, after a long journey and  good grades in some tough courses, after 20 years of being an amazing nurse, she is on the verge of her PNP degree.

I can say with no hesitation that without Jennifer’s very present and powerful example I never would have had the courage myself to take a risk and do the same – to dare to listen to God and the people God had put in my life to encourage me to step out in faith myself, to ignore my own self doubts as well as the wisdom of those who thought I had lost my mind.

Discernment is hard and holy work. Listening for a call is one of life’s real challenges. How do we determine it is God’s call, not our own ego? Am I really willing to step out into a big, challenging, scary, thrilling unknown….or do I bury what I have been given – GIVEN – and hope my master will be so pleased in me, pleased I took the safe route?

The gospel for Sunday says the master cast that one into the outer darkness, the one unwilling to risk is sent away, teeth gnashing to follow. My wife refused to bury her talent, not knowing at all where the road would take her. I am continuously amazed at how she not only faces her fears, she crushes them.

And because she has done so, the world has gained an amazing nurse and a soon to be incredible PNP and many lives are better because she answered her calling in the way she did. How many people can say that?

Jesus put these words into the master’s voice, “you have been trustworthy in a few things, I will put you in charge of many things, enter into the joy of your master.”

Enter into the joy.

Thanks Jen, for the living, breathing, walking, talking, high wire spanning reminder. I needed it so much.

 

So there it is,  the tightrope – swaying in the breeze. I can see it. It seems so high up. It makes my heart beat faster. Yet, I’ve been here before. Perhaps I don’t need this shovel after all…….

Your prayers are welcomed.